so lost.

so many things on my mind right now. are you ready? hold on.

first do you know my super smarty pants, real writing tutor, writer sister, Anna? she’s such a talented writer it’s incredible. she’s also really good at organizing her thoughts and keeping her audience grasped in her writing. really, she is the writer or all writers, she is the winner of the writing game and then there’s me………..

who writes exactly how i think and speak. which is all.over.da.place. up, down, round and round. no thought process or thinking through; just do.

don’t hate me cuz you ain’t me.

alright. i keep having this weird realization that i have been here for over 1/2 a year now. is that crazy or what. with that realization i have been able to reflect on how much i have learned and grown as a person. for example: i have become so content and comfortable in places i know nothing about and having to figure it out on my own. i’ve fallen hard for nyc and will do everythign in my power to end up there. i’ve learned that nothing irritates me more than when someone underestimates the intelligence and/or power of a child. each and everyday i learn more than i ever thought possible from my boys. they are so incredibly smart, talented and kind…. i think the future looks good 🙂  oh,also i’ve learned that it’s just as fun dancing around the house like a total goon alone in CT as it is having them at home in MN.  Which brings up the fact that I’ve also learned that if i’m stressed or something is bothering me – all i have to do is turn up a song and get groovy and all is OK. Have you tried that before? You won’t regret it. Let’s see, i’ve also become so appreciative of where i grew up and have found that the MN way of life is truly unique and one i will always cherish. what else….ok ok, yeah, so THOSE EAST COAST BOYS. that’s all. was that even something i have learned about myself? i’m not sure – but i guess we’ll just call it a “fun fact.”  I think though that something i have really become in tune with, is that i have no flipping idea what i’m doing.

i could go on forever, but i think i’m going to hold it right there and elaborate on that last one.

so.

Image

amen ya’ll. amen.

i don’t even know hot to explain how i feel about how i feel. but i think that picture sums it up pretty well.

too often we have a plan.

(maybe i should title this blog post; MOM AND DAD DON’T READ THIS)

or too often, i have HAD to have a plan of attack. I’m thankful for that because that’s how I ended up here.

For right now though, i don’t have a plan of attack, i never have a plan – i can’t remember the last time since moving here that i had a plan. like that time i got off the train in Harlem, NY alone with no phone or direction or any sense of how to get to where i wanted to go and every breath i took i thought it was my last. Or that time that I went to NY alone with no iphone or map or any knowledge of when trains were coming/going. Or the times I drive to a new place alone and completley fall in love with exploring and figuring out what it has to offer. You know what, I think i’m trying to say I have full faith in the saying “figure it out” or maybe i’ve just been hanging around kids to much lately. kids are so invincible. they aren’t afraid of what they want.

 i feel i’m just living and i’m so lost and so happy and sad and content and comfortable all at the same time. i feel so free. i feel like i’m at a time in my life where anything is possible. such as traveling the world. did i mention i’ve been OBSESSED with researching ways to make it abroad? that’s right. not today or tomorrow – i have the whole east coast to figure out first – but eventually. Anyways i just have learned that I am so in tune with myself and embracing this life right now. it’s such an incredible journey and i don’t want to ever lose that vision.

what’s the point of all that?

i dont even know.

i think all in all i’m trying to say: go. just go after what you want and embrace what comes your way. get out and meet new people and do totally out of your comfort zone things; because those things rock. you’ll figure it out.

maybe i’m just 22 and don’t have it figure out. and for now, that’s ok with me.

but then again i’ve always  had this super awaesome back up plan that it would be cool to run away with Ryan Gosling and live happily ever after…..

alright.

peace homies.

lo

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