hi darlings. happy monday.

was your weekend good? mine was beyond.

friday, i headed into the city.

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i stayed overnight at my good friend stephs. it’s always so good to see her. we went to high school and college together. something i’ll always look forward to about seeing this girl is our conversations. they’re those deep, good, feel good conversations. aren’t those the best? we stayed up way later than should have being i had to be up bright and early to catch a flight.

something i love is traveling. it’s one of the most relaxing things for me. no, i didn’t mean to say it’s a hassle or i get a lot of anxiety or stressed about it. i’m pretty sure it’s a rare characteristic to have, but here is something about it that gets to me. it’s a time to literally – get lost and get away. at the airport i get so caught up in the adventure of others. where are they going or where are they from and why are they leaving? are they running from something, or on their way to somewhere extraordinary? then, once on the plane – you have no where else you can be, no where. you are actually up in the clouds and so far away from everything and anything. it’s so magical.  it’s a good place to be i think. i’ve been trying to do some soul searching recently. really trying to look within myself and figure out some things about and for myself. let me tell you, being up in the clouds on a saturday morning, sipping a coffee and watching the sun rise was the perfect opportunity to do so.

after a quick hour and a half flight i landed in Washington DC and i couldn’t have been more excited. i basically sprinted off the plane and through the airport with the biggest smile on my face down to ground transportation where my beautiful, full of life, best friend was waiting. Abby Hiltner was in DC this weekend ya’ll!!!!

sixty degrees, sunshine, best friend and new friends, new place, new adventure made for one happy happy gal.

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is she not just the cutest thing you’ve seen.

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waiting for michelle and barack.

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hi Abe!

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saturday night, we went to a friend of mine who now lives in DC and goes to law school. it was so fun to see her and go out.

DC is full of young, put together, successful professionals. i’m telling you – every single young adult in that city is there to be something great. here’s a fun fact: according to Census data,. Washington DC wins with being the biggest population with a college education per capita.

so here’s how every conversation went:

them: hi i’m __________. 

us: hi, what do you do?

them: i work for (government, am in law school, i’m a lawyer, forensic psychology, IBM consultant, graduate school, finance, etc), what about you?

us: – i’m a live in nanny – i’m unemployed living at home in stearns county, mn – i live at home with my parents going to school. 

so there was that.

on sunday i had a 5 1/2 hour trek back home which meant, more time to do some self reflection and searching. maybe too much time. lately i’ve just been frustrated with me always running. as soon as i am comfortable and content – i run. i’m always looking to the next new adventure, new place and people. i want to be and see everywhere. i want to meet as many people as i can. but a part of me feels like i lack being content with where i am. it plays out over and over again in my life whether it be school, where i want to be, relationships, friendships, everything. i’m always searching for what’s next. even things as simple as me having to go to a new coffee shop rather than having a favorite one, or going somewhere new every weekend, and trying new foods rather than making the same old;  it’s exciting. it’s exhausting.

i guess what i’m trying to figure out, is why i can’t just be content. i adapt easily and am obsessed with change and sometimes it gets to be a lot. i get so caught up with it, that i forget to take it all in. to really appreciate what’s right in front of me. and that worries me. it worries me about my future and where i will end up. i often envy people who have it figured out. they know what they want and where they want to be. they’re so determined to be an adult. here i sit always wondering if i am ever going to settle down or  be able to force myself to hold a steady job for more than a year? will i find a place in the world where i want to live for more than a year? because right now, i can’t envision any of that and that scares me.

so. here i was, all cramped up, hot and miserable sitting next to someone who clearly forgot to shower that morning on the megabus and my mind was going a thousand miles per hour. i tried to calm myself by meditating and get into a breathing pattern. i tried by listening to music. i tried to doodle, sleep and i even googled ways to calm the mind on my phone…. so it was that.bad. get a grip lauren.

then i thought to look out the window, see where i was. and i saw a sign that said “Welcome to Delaware”

I’d never been to Delaware. I knew nothing about Delaware. I know no one who has ever lived in Delaware or even anyone who has visited. I started to go crazy looking up things to do there, the attractions and what the state had to offer. I even looked up flight and train tickets to Delaware because i was so intrigued with this place i had little knowledge about. then i caught myself and what i was doing. back to square root one.

i then took a big deep breath and that breath was just what i needed.

searching for more is what makes me special. always seeking adventure and searching for more is unique. i think it’s neat to be able to be intrigued with places and people i know nothing about. a place like Delaware is fascinating to me. it helps me to see the world. always moving on and away, is a way for me to figure out where i want to end up. how remarkable to be a person who doesn’t settle. this entire adventure i am on now started because i knew nothing about New Canaan. I had never even heard of the town. I knew nothing and had never met the family i live and work with. the opportunities that have come my way since moving have been beyond my wildest dreams. i’ve literally had some of my biggest dreams come true this last year and best times of my life, it’s been surreal.

always searching for me can be exhausting. it can lead to heart break, loneliness and homesickness. always running in a different direction can get between relationships, friendships and careers. but to me, the world has so much beauty and so much to offer. life is too short to not be alive. being stuck in one place would is my biggest fear and i’m thankful for that. it has opened up so many opportunities and  helped me to reach my goals and live my dreams. there is so much beauty in this world and not searching for it, would limit me to not seeing it.

here’s my Monday wisdom for you all: keep going and keep searching. find that light and energy inside of you to push yourself to go. great things come from new things. when it gets hard and when you feel like giving up; surrender yourself and let go. go out and see the beauty the world has. there is so much beauty out there. i’ve only just begun, and it has been a beautiful journey.

xo

lo

 

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