hi.

stress is dumb, don’t you think? i’m like why the hell is does it even exist? who thought stress was something that was necessary? so dumb.

even more dumb when people i love are stressed.

lately all my fellow twenty somethings have been stressed out. i know this because i’ve been getting so many crying phone calls.

side note: i love adventuring and doing my thing. it also sucks so bad that i can’t be home with my homie g’s when they are so stressed or sad. it’s the worst not being able to give them the biggest hug ever, hand them chocolate and punch life in the face together for being so dumb at the moment. and whoever said that stress eating doesn’t help – you’re wrong because there is nothing in this world that a bowl of ice cream or a chocolate bar cannot fix. 

crying rocks. really. i’m so into crying lately. i think i like it so much because it’s a way of telling your feelings “ok! i’m feeling you, see! i feel you! i get it.”

feelings stick around. they nag at you until you deal with them. they demand to be felt. when you cry, it’s like you are laughing in their face because you have won. you’ve felt them. you’ve won the battle.

i think i’ve felt more feelings during my twenties than any other time in my life. i am a hormonal biaaatch in my twenties. one day i’m so happy, i’m content and comfortable. the next day, my life is falling apart. want a real life example? my beffer abby and i talk everyday and this is how a conversation usually goes down:

Monday

me: “i just am so happy here. doing what i’m doing is good and i like it”

Tuesday

me: “it’s time for me to move on. i need out.”

Wednesday

me: “yeah, everything is good with me”

Thursday

me: “everything sucks”

i’m lost. 

we’re all lost. 

us twenty somethings are lost. 

and i’m sick of feeling like that’s wrong to be lost.

i’m done with our society being obsessed with the 20 somethings. constantly nagging on post grads.

give us a god damn break because you know what, we’re new to this whole “real world, adult thing”

it’s stupid how many expectations we have. the demand to have it figured out. the constant nagging of “well your generation this, your generation that” the constant “what are you going to do? i mean, what’s next, have you figured it out?”

shut up.

because we’re trying.

we’re trying to figure it out.

also, i’m tearing up right now.

k.

a particular FaceTime call this week was the most heart wrenching of all. this homie g of mine that we will refer to as “taylor” because i’m obsessed with t swift right now to the point where i actually typed into youtube “taylor swift paparazzi” and i watched videos of the paparazzi following her around. welcome to lauren hoeschen’s free time activities.

ok, so taylor.

taylor has so many good things going for her/him right now. i want her life. anyone would want her life. taylor just landed a super smarty pants new job position in corporate america. taytay is in the process of moving to THE MOST PERFECT TOWN of St. Paul, MN. T is taking off with so many cool new gig’s and ideas.

but taylor feels lost.

i mean, like so low and lost in life.

it doesn’t add up.

what is that.

i’ll tell you what it is.

it’s everyone trying to compete with everyone. it’s everyone focusing on what everyone else is doing. it’s us twenty somethings trying to show up one another. it’s our culture being obsessed with having it figured out.

everyone is all like

“omg! new job! love it!!!!”

“ENGAGED!” #blessed

“TRAVELING THE WORLD” #everyonesdoingit #doingme

“graduate school. studying for finals” #coffee #latte #latenights #almostdone

and that’s great. it’s so awesome. go you! seriously.

there’s this blurry in-between there. see, we see all that and think to ourselves for a minute how happy we are for them. we understand and are appreciative that it’s their thing, not ours. we are grateful that we’re doing something different.

then comes that feeling. this big humungous feeling of

“OH MY GOD EVERYONE ELSE HAS IT TOGETHER AND IS SO HAPPY WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME”

and then you thing

“Jk, Jk, i’m good. i’m good. yeah, i’m doing my thing. i’m good”

then it creeps back up and is all like

“omg i’m doomed. i’m lost. shit. damnit.”

it get’s fuzzy. it’s like we could have it all figured out and still feel so lost and not put together.

we feel like if we’re not doing something that makes us 100% happy and satisfied at all times, then we’ve failed living our life to the full potential.

well you know what.

that’s bogus.

because life isn’t happy 100% of the time. life isn’t meant to be figured out. how freeeeeaking boring to live a life that’s figured out. can you imagine? ugh. i CaN’T EVEn~~~**

so tay tay. mah homie.

keep doing you. do you and be you. feel those feelings and be lost. be lost. 

hear me out.

when we’re lost – we’re pushed. we’re allowing greater things to happen and opening the door for what could come. sure, when you’re lost you feel sad, sometimes miserable, you feel like… shit. welcome to that thing called life. we’re all doing it.

because life hits us hard. life isn’t always gum drops and lolli pops.

but life has a way of taking care of you.

life has a way of letting you choose to be happy.

choose to be happy.

be happy.

are you drowning in figuring it out?

good.

be.

you’re alive.

be proud of trying to figure it out. it’s hard work ya’ll. it is. it’s exhausting and it’s a hell hole at times.

give yourself some damn credit.

i feel like my friend alex greening would be the best contributor in this post. alex is the most wise man. he’d say something like

“f figuring it out. live life. let life live. let live.”

ok pause. here are some pictures that i really love from lately.

IMG_5124IMG_5125IMG_5126

IMG_5118

IMG_5123

IMG_5140IMG_5168Processed with VSCOcam with c1 presetProcessed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

hi i’m from mn and i was the only one wearing a hat, gloves and full winter jacket in fifty degree weather. Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

i love this kids guts so much. also, we told people we were twins. he took after our short mom, i took after our tall dad. do you think we pulled it off?

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

girlfriend sleepevers are the freaking best. gal pals are the best. snuggling with your chica’s is the best ever.

IMG_5158

michael got an iPod and i love it so much because he sends me the best messages that send me into total mushy goooshy i love you so much michael mode.

so to all you  fellow ‘i’m lost peeps’

my grandma mj is telling us this right now:

“you get what life gives you, and that’s that. you make the best of it”

smartest woman i ever have known.

be lost. there is no reason to feel like being lost is not ok. cry about it. feel it. just remember to enjoy the journey as well. see the beauty in all things around you. 🙂

life has you in good hands ya’ll. you. life has you in good hands. focus on that, focus your energies on you and your happiness.

if you do you, you’re doing it right.

choose happy.

and remember, no one has it figured out.

if they do, think about all the times some adult asked you what’s next and you threw them a line of bs saying “life is so good. yup, doing this and that” but on the inside you’re really thinking “i’m a mess”

going to eat five hundred kit kay bars now. bye

xo

lo

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